Boys will be boys was the title of a photo session that appeared in my head a number of years ago and which today has grown to completely new dimensions in several different ways. It really started with the fact that I always had a special interest in it and those who stand out a little outside the norm and that I was always tempted to actually talk about things that we all people do and think about but that we of old tradition, or for to protect the private sphere, not talking about. The photo session just popped into my head when I met Marina online. We had made a contact because he wanted to be photographed by me and liked my slightly quirky ideas and I was curious about Marina who somehow stood out. Maybe it was because he was a performance artist and did not shy away from any ideas? Or maybe it was also because he in his expression was both "male" and "female" (what is it?) In an unbeatable combination at the same time? Anyway, the pictures turned out to be awesome and is something that I am actually proud of today that we both dared to implement.
Then time passes
Life rolls on and things happen, the family grows, you move, get new experiences and the world changes for better and for worse. However, there is one thing that remains, "Boys will be boys".
I myself am a product of my time and my upbringing, which after all feels very healthy in comparison with today's information flows and opinions. I do not want to paint Fan on the wall and of course there is incredibly much good and positive today both online, in the media and here in reality, but all the more important then to show it and stand up for it and dare to show when something does not go right. Dare to be an opposite pole and a role model for those who have ended up wrong. I'm basically a positive person and I refuse to believe it would be run.
I'm a feminist, and in some skewed way I think most people are, in fact, or are there actually some who think we should differentiate between gender and gender, right? There will surely be a crowd of people who get a lump in their stomach when they read the word feminist. There are certainly those who think that there is something wrong with any strange defensive reaction, that I would advocate misogynists, radical ideologies and lots of strange things. I advocate almost no hatred and radicalization I think is nasty whether it is like feminism, patriarchy, religion, xenophobia or whatever. Time goes by and life is about as usual but then something happened with Metoo, so something damn good that would have happened hundreds of years ago really. I think many men got a proper mindset and a desire to change the system and change masculinity. I have always seen myself as an advocate of gender equality, and as a fair guy, but of course I can also see situations and events in my history that have not been as good in all situations. Mainly created by a jargon and tradition of how things should just be, right?
When opinions on the subject appeared on social media or elsewhere, I also always reacted with a bit of irritation and was probably a little hurt. "But hey, not ALL men behave like that. We kind people who want to help actually exist too." Of course it is so. It does not apply to all men, just as radical feminists do not apply to all feminists, to make a parable. But, and now we come to the most important part of this post. But, or men.
This is something that is so damn sick and wrong in many men's behavior. I have found myself many times sitting and ashamed of being a man. It is enough to watch the news, read newspapers, check governing politicians in the world, when there has been murder, assault, rape, quarrels, hatred, yes most things that are criminal or not very good for others, then it is men. Do not come up with any defense now that "Yes but ...." it is quite obvious that this is the case. What I think now is that this must change. Have we not come further in 2020. Are we still just animals ruled by primitive instincts and the cock? And for safety's sake, NO it does not apply to all men. YES there are idiots for women too, but in general the statistics and reality speak for themselves.
There are several accounts on social media with body positivism, body activism and feminism that are for all of us no matter what gender we think we belong to. That's the least important thing here. They exist for us humans so we should gain perspective on the world and ourselves. They exist for us to reflect and learn something. The main thing must be that everyone is OK just as they are and that everyone has the same rights and obligations to each other. To just lift a few, there are Stina Wolter and Natalie Dahlberg (who also wrote a post here). They have to endure a lot of hatred and opinions and guess from which it mainly comes. Yes men, surprise. Why do you think you have the right to express yourself about another person's appearance, hair, nudity, weight, age? Why do you send dickpics completely random? and why do you think a naked / lightly dressed woman wants to fuck here and there and with you? On the one hand, I think that the internet is a good place for cowards to try to exercise their power against mainly women. There are a number of different platforms that make this possible. But just because it's possible, it's not ok. The web is also a place where the rest of us are. Where Stina is and Natalie and thousands of others, there I am, you and a lot of good people who now have to stand up. Show the option, show it better.
I hope and believe that there will be a change with younger generations, but there is obviously still a great need to change and be a counterpoint, a role model. I just saw Björnstad on HBO. It is based on books by Fredrik Backman where you deal with just this. The seemingly "innocent" culture in changing rooms, which is probably a bit exaggerated in the books but which is out there, among our children and young people and probably in adults as well. It is in the school, it is in the public space and should be "innocent". "Yes, but I did not mean that." If you do not mean that. Why even say that? It's time to dump her and move on. There's nothing fancy about being an idiot and behaving stupidly and sexistly. I usually talk to my own son as often as there is opportunity and space, but I believe and hope that that generation has understood the matter, at least part of it.
What to do now?
I think we who actually think this is wrong and completely crazy (I think we are more than the others) must actually stand up for the right thing now. Make positive posts. Help to reduce haters and old men, help to say no when jargon is not appropriate. I get the impression that haters are more active on social media and the like than we normal people, but maybe it's time to get to grips with it and really be a counterpoint and show a change, an improvement and more alternatives. Think about it both once and twice before you comment on a post and why you even comment on it. Above all. Do not be afraid. This just has to change before the world is a dead lump in space where hatred and power rule.
It may be a nasty world that opens up with nasty truths about yourself or maybe about friends, relatives but what is the alternative? Do not be afraid, I think we have everything to gain from this and I think that if we become more satisfied with ourselves, we are both better partners, dad, cohabitant, special resident and above all fellow human beings. So stop hating, stop having opinions about things that are completely insignificant and that hurt and hurt others. Instead, have opinions about haters and those who do not contribute to a good development of all genders, sizes and varieties in society and who see the unique thing of all mankind, that we are all different. Have opinions that strengthen others, that make others grow and feel good.
Boys will be boys?
But still think what to start with the photo session for me and for Marina, or rather Kim. In addition to playing with typical gender roles and what jargon a guy would have in a picture in a woman's body, we aroused a conviction in me that has lain dormant for a long time and has been a belief for me since childhood but which today is a must and a matter of course. to spread and share with me. Kim who actually today sees herself as gender neutral and who fights against both her own demons such as those online who lack understanding and who only have tradition as the only, simple explanation for why things should be a certain way. Read the blog post I know! I do NOT think Boys will be boys for very long in the same sense as before. What is it to strive for? You are you and everyone is unique in all our similarities and differences. It's OK to be who you are no matter how you are as long as you manage not to slam down on others, hurt others, hurt others. Boys will be humans too.
Thanks for the word.
PS: When I was little I loved to dress like a girl and dance and perform for relatives and friends. In adulthood I have become more cowardly but have almost always had long hair and been told that I would be "girl" because of the hair and how nice it is when it is short. Stupid I know!